Top of the Cops

Great start last night to the new series of "The Shield".
Along the same lines, "Homicide: Life On The Streets" Season One and Two will shortly be available in the UK on DVD. For anyone desperate for some of Baltimore's finest, you can get the first four seasons off US Amazon, but they are a bit pricey.
A lot of people reckon that "Homicide" (which ran for nine seasons and starred among others Ned Beatty and Daniel Baldwin) was even better than "NYPD Blue". They're wrong of course, but it was a really great cop show.

"Boo Hoo, we were cheated!"

It just never stops being funny.

Oh My God!!!!!

Drop everything at 10.45 tonight folks because the brand new series of The Shield is on Channel Five.

And for laughs, here's a picture of Michael Chiklis (Vic Mackey) with some hair.

Put That Out

Here's an interesting news story for smokers self extinguishing cigarettes are now available in New York. In fact cigarette vendors have to sell them by law.

However a Californian man is suing tobacco giant Philip Morris on the grounds that their self extinguishing cigarettes are actually even more dangerous than the regular kind.

All of this sounds like a good excuse to link to a page on The Insider.

Moore than Enough

I'm not a huge fan of Michael Moore. I find a lot of his work cheesy and un-journalistic. Quite a lot of Stupid White Men, the only book of his I've managed to wade through is poorly written and just plain dull.
Having said that, the people who are now gathering to attack him are pretty disgusting.
You have to wonder what it is about right wingers in the States. They can't stand it when a debate emerges about their leaders questionable dealings and policies. The attitude displayed by right wing websites attacking Moore is one that seeks to stifle debate, one that seems to resent the very idea of somebody choosing to questioning (their) authority.
Some of them are just plain scary.
And they don't help themselves either by using rhetoric better suited to a Chuck Bronson movie. Have a look at this for example. This is a tee-shirt you can buy and walk around in believe it or not. Are these people for real? Is that their attitude to a fucking war in which innocent lives are being destroyed daily? "Freedom isn't free, peace isn't pretty?" It is for you, you bloated fuckers! Who are these people? Tag line writers for Stallone movies? The war in Iraq isn't a movie or a comic book you fucking goons!
This tenuous link to reality coupled with failure to forward any kind of cohesive political argument makes right wingers in the States look at best deluded and anti democratic. I suspect the truth is even worse, that a lot of these people are enjoying the war, enjoying "kicking ass", enjoying their little racist war of revenge.
People with a genuine small government agenda in America must tear their hair out when they get associated with these colossal morons.
Whatever you think about Michael Moore, at least he's for democracy and at least he's aligned himself against developmentally challenged idiots for whom the meaning of democracy has been perverted into being able to carry a gun and kick the shit out of the poor.

Dirty Cyber Action with a Wheezing 60-Year-Old Woman

Talking Pish's favourite comedian Doug Stanhope is currently warming up for his Edinburgh shows by whore-ing out his own Mother. However she's not available outside the US.

I Trust the Sight of the Young People Refreshes You

I was asked if I knew anything about The Wickerman Festival. Go to the site to see the fun in store. Yes they will be burning an actual wicker man.

Some Wicker Man trivia

During his final scenes inside the wicker man, Edward Woodward was reading his lines from giant cue cards placed around the surrounding cliffs.

Rod Stewart tried to sue the film's producers as he was married to Britt Ekland at the time and found offence in her nude scenes.

Battle of the Bands

Well done to Andy here at work whose band Lexxi won the Scottish round of Battle of the Bands at Carling Academy last night. They go on to play London in August.

Rescue Me

For anyone lucky enough to have seen Denis Leary's TV show The Job you may be interested in his new show Rescue Me, created, just as The Job was, by Leary and Peter Tolan. It's about New York Firefighters and of course will never see the light of day on British terrestrial television.

Yet Another Simpsons Quote

Here's another Simpsons quote for ya.

Carl: According to the map, the cabin should be right here.
Lenny: Hey, maybe there is no cabin. Maybe it's one of them metaphorical things.
Carl: Oh yeah, yeah... Like maybe the cabin is the place inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.
Lenny: Oh! ...Nah, they said there would be sandwiches.

From Episode 4F10 Mountain of Madness.

Cox on the Box

So, no football talk yet this week, but more about movies. Here's a really good article by Alex Cox on the lack of foreign films on TV. He makes a very good case and it's only now that I realise that there is no replacement for Moviedrome and no regular outlet for the harder to discover movies on terrestrial television.

And if, after reading the article, you want to know a bit more, here's some information on Italian director Francesco Rosi. Actually the whole Senses of Cinema website that it's from is pretty damn good.

Another Random Simpsons Quote

Homer: [slurred] Are you an angel?
Moe: Yes, Homer. I'm an angel. All us angels wear farah slacks.

From Episode 4F03 The Homer They Fall.

'They Heard the "Swooshing" Sound of a Penis Pump...'

Here is an hilarious news story for your enjoyment.

The 1000 Best Movies Ever Made

Here's something to kill plenty of time. The New York Times 1000 Best Movies Ever Made. Cos there's so many it almost feels like just a list of 1000 movies, but there's plenty to read on it, linking as it does through to info on the various actors and directors responsible.

The Man in the Middle

Still with the footie - anyone who wants to send congratulations/abuse to the ref from last nights match can here.
I can imagine his proverbial mail sack is bulging with good wishes from fans from all over the world for helping "cheat" Ingerland out of what is apparently their birthright. Thanks to Ronnie for the link.

Riotwatch Update IV

I couldn't believe that all England's fans would just accept defeat and go home last night, and for a while I thought they did, however I have discovered that not everyone took it so well.

And I thought that a siege in a peaceful English county could only happen in Straw Dogs.

And well seeing that Bergerac has retired.

AHAHAHA...etc...

Well England are out and only have themselves to blame. Once again, a manager who decided to hold onto a lead and play defensively has seen his decision backfire. Good. Attacking football wins again - you'd think Eriksson would have learned his lesson from Trapatoni and Advocaat.
So now the bleating (and it seems the beating) begins - "It was a perfectly good goal!" "Boo hoo we we're cheated!".
This tactic of repeating something that's not true over an over again until it's generally accepted was a favorite device of the Nazis and it didn't work for them either.
Campbell barged into Terry, who stopped the keeper from jumping, it's that simple. A foul.
Can you imagine if that "goal" had been given at the other end? They would have been SCREAMING for a foul. "They impeded our keeper!" "Boo Hoo! We've been cheated!".
The fact is England made tactical mistakes and just weren't good enough. The "Best England team for years" never even got close.

And it's all someone else's fault. Those grapes are sour. And of course they can't understand why everyone's laughing, why no-one like them.
Tom reckons England are like the big lad who cuts about the school saying he's one of the hardest guys around. So is it any wonder we laugh at them when they get their big-talking faces kicked in?
In terms of football, England's baseless arrogance has made them a perfectly legitimate laughing stock yet again. They never learn. To borrow from the vernacular, they pure think they're something when they're nothing.

The Cooler

I went to see The Cooler last night. As the Oscar nomination would suggest Alec Baldwin was immense. William H. Macy was great, but Baldwin's performance left me wishing the whole film was about his character.

All in The Cooler claims 3 Tom stars.

Here's an interview with director Wayne Kramer.

"...It Could be Sweden in the Semi-Final."

Here we go then for England's quarter final with Portugal.

Let's hope we avoid a repeat of the first time the sides met in 1947, England won 10-0.

My predicition is an England victory Fizz also thinks England will triumph by 3 goals to 1, though hopes Rooney gets sent off and Portugal jam it.
The last time that England beat Portugal was in April 98 when they won 3-0 at Wembley.

The last competitive game between the nations was 4 years ago at Euro 2000 when Portugal came from two goals down to win 3-2.

This is the last match I can stand to see England win. The media will become unbearable in the next couple of days and all sorts of people who have no interest in football will suddenly be loudly blathering about 3 lions. It'll be excruciating if they make it to the semis. I can't comprehend what it'll be like if they make the final.

While watching the game make a note of how many cliches the commentators use.

Tonight's Game

To any and all of our loyal readers out there, Ronnie, Graham, Tommy etc, we're going to Pivo tonight to watch the football. Be warned though, there may be someone English with us.

From a Basement on the Hill

News today that the posthumous Elliott Smith album is close to completion. I'll cut and paste the article as you need to go through a very messy registration procedure to read it.

Los Angeles Times
June 22, 2004 Tuesday

Carefully piecing together Elliott Smith's final vision

Richard Cromelin, Times Staff Writer

Elliott Smith stares down from the shelf above the recording studio mixing board, comically bugging his eyes in one snapshot, glowering like the moody troubadour of legend in another.

The photos make the control room of the Hollywood studio feel a little like a shrine to the singer-songwriter, whose troubled life ended violently last October when he died from a knife wound in his Echo Park apartment at age 34. (Initially reported as a suicide, the case is now officially under investigation.)
Eight months later, Smith's valedictory work is taking its final shape in the same studio where he recorded much of the material on his most popular albums, 1998's "XO" and its 2000 follow-up, "Figure 8."

"Songs From a Basement on the Hill" is the album Smith had nearly completed when he died, and the work is being awaited by his cult of fans like a lost sacred text.

They probably won't be disappointed, judging by the sound of the propulsive folk reverie coming through the speakers. Smith's acoustic guitar picking eases down a scale, cradling his unmistakable, high-pitched voice as it sings a rueful couplet: "Burning every bridge that I cross / To find some beautiful place to get lost."

This is prime Smith, with the kind of meticulous, evocative lyric, bittersweet melody and intimate delivery that made him one of the most acclaimed singer-songwriters of his generation.

"Let's Get Lost" and the album's other songs have just undergone their final mixing, one more step in a painstaking construction process that was part detective work and part instinct.

"We're trying to respect whatever we can find out about what his wishes were, trying to make the record that he was making," says Rob Schnapf, who is overseeing the project with Joanna Bolme.

Both have long histories with Smith: Schnapf co-produced "XO" and "Figure 8," and Bolme was Smith's girlfriend in Portland, Ore., in the mid-'90s. She received her musical grounding from him and now plays bass in the band led by former Pavement singer Stephen Malkmus.

Both had been in sporadic contact with Smith in recent years and were called in by the singer's family to steer "Songs" to completion.

"Each record is different, and here we go again, this is another one," Schnapf says, summarizing the music he's been immersed in for weeks. "He's got his melodic sensibility ... but he's not doing the same thing again. He's just pushing the boundaries, sending out the probe."

Schnapf and Bolme are previewing a taste of the album on a recent morning, playing six songs that range from the spare, pensive "Let's Get Lost" to a clattering rock track called "Distorted Reality." Another song ends with two competing spoken recitations, one from each speaker, and in another the wobbling sound of a tape reel is audible beneath Smith's soft vocal.

"I think there's a bit of chaos, but it's a controlled chaos," Bolme says, aiming a remote control at the CD player to select another track.

"There's definitely a sonic thing," Schnapf adds. "He always played with form, and that continues.... I was always a fan of the littler, direct, intimate thing, and I'm just happy to see that he managed to do both again -- have this crazy big aural thing, and then be able to do a song just him and a guitar. The combination of the two makes both stronger."

Smith's nine-year solo career took him from the shadows of the indie-rock underground to, incongruously, the stage at the 1998 Academy Awards, where his song "Miss Misery," from "Good Will Hunting," was nominated for a best original song Oscar.

Despite that bubble of visibility and his ongoing critical reputation, Smith never made a big commercial breakthrough. His most popular album, with sales of 224,000, was "XO," his first for the major label DreamWorks.

Plans for this new record are falling into place. Though the singer was still under contract to DreamWorks, "Songs From a Basement on the Hill" was planned as a separate, independent project, and Smith's family is finalizing arrangements with an undisclosed label, hoping for a fall release.

Smith recorded the album in a Van Nuys studio he had furnished with vintage sound equipment, playing most of the parts himself. Though he left scores of songs behind, Schnapf and Bolme were able to assemble the album based on a list Smith had made indicating his vision for the record.

Says Schnapf, "This is the last living body of work. If anything happens after that, then it's just collected, it's not a concept that he had."

The pair were guided by Smith's written notes, rough mixes and alternate recordings, and by their own conversations with people who had been in the studio with him.

One day, Schnapf recalls, a casual reference by Smith's sister to "the Fourth of July grand finale" instantly explained the musician's intention for a previously puzzling fusillade of drums. And they also had their own histories with Smith to fall back on.

"There were little bits in the songs that would come up, and me and Rob would look at each other like, 'Ah, that's an Elliott thing,' " Bolme says. "Like his little goofy drum fill, or a guitar lick or something. We've had enough experience to know that would be the thing that Elliott would walk over and turn up."

In light of the passage that mentions that his death is still being investigated, here's some articles about the suspiscions.

From LA Weekly, MTV.com, VH1.com and The Guardian.

"I Can't Die With Jelly Beans."

Here's a really good interview with Paul Gascoigne.

Stand Up Sits Down

Here's a couple of links for you. An interview with Janeane Garofalo in gay magazine The Advocate. And if that gets you in the mood for her political rhetoric here's her official site.

Here's an article on the radio station Garafalo is doing her show for, Air America and their money troubles.

I Would, But I Can't Lob It That Far...

Well, you have to say well done England after last nights 4-2 defeat of Croatia I suppose.
An interesting performance which simultaneously showed why they can and can't win the tournament. In Wayne Rooney, they have the most potent attacker in the competition - no-one has looked remotely like being able to handle him so far. Thank the Lord then for the England defence, who's shockingly amateurish defending from set pieces cost them two needless goals and could have dropped more against a frankly average Croatia side.
I'm just praying that in the final reckoning, it's the calamitous form of England keeper David James that really counts and not that of the new boy wonder.

Travel the World

If anyone's thrilled by the Putumayo DVD, you can order it and other world music sights and sounds by visiting their website.

Some Moore

Some more on Michael Moore, here's a feature from USA Today.

And here's some news that Ray Bradbury wants Moore to change the title of his forthcoming documentary.

Sky's The Limit...

What a lot of mad pish "Big Brother" is.
After the "brawl" last week, people are finally beginning to ask themselves the right questions about a show that had its day several years ago.
What has become clear is that Channel Four have gone well outwith their remit in broadcasting this crass meritless rubbish. Considering that "contestants" (What do they win? 100 grand for their dignity? What kind of price is that?)are now starting to knock fuck out of one another they might as well chuck in a lion, a big net and a trident and re-name it "Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down".
That Channel Four have risked police prosecution in an ever more increasingly desperate bid for ratings says it all. Next series, someone has to die.
I remember writing a piss take of Big Brother for Cheery B when it all kicked off years ago called "Any Spare Change?" where people give up their normal lives to live on the street. Reminiscing about it at the weekend with Iain Laurie, he advised me to pitch it to Channel 5. And why not? It would probably get made. There would certainly be no shortage of fucking idiots desperate to get their useless mugs on the box whatever the circumstances.

And the funny thing? No-one is watching.
With Channel Four buying it's "great new shows" like "Queer Eye..." from Sky 18 months after they first broadcast it draws the state of network TV in this country into sharp focus. Maybe it's no bad thing, but TV as people of my generation have always known it is in a shitload of trouble.
And the fact that the only cunt there to fill the void is Murdock and Sky can't be a good thing now can it?

Good Luck New Jobbers

We should say bye bye and good luck to Cathy who has left us for a cushy job with the NHS.

While I'm at it I should say good luck to Jo who has just started a new job at the fancy and exclusive Mar Hall. However, her car blew up on her third day. I'm sure it'll get better for you.

As Far Back as I Can Remember...

Goodfellas was on TV last night, and as it's one of the best films ever made, despite having seen it a dozen times, it has that great kind of hold on me, whereby, if I see a bit of it I have to watch it. Coincidentally Henry Hill has a new book out, which you can find by following the link.

His website isn't as good as it used to be as previously it contained 'The Top 10 Ways to Dispose of a Body.' The message boards does however contain gems like this "I am 14 but I read Wiseguy and saw Goodfellas I wanted to be a Mafia memeber [sic].I love Mafia so much..."

Hair Weave A Espania

So Spain are out and only have themselves to blame. Was it their nervy performance? Their inexplicable lack of faith in Fernando Morientes?
No, it was the mullets. They were, as a squad, too mulleted up to go through. God said no.
Note that even Fernando Torres, having addressed the fact that he looked like a chicken fried twat wearing Frank McAvennie's hair from 1980, fell foul of the good Lord with his goalbound second hand effort somehow swerving onto the post.
Fernando's haircut by the way prompted the BBC's resident "Big Ron" Barry Davis to comment that he'd "...lost a fight with an Indian"; a lovely example of the casual racism he seems to get away with as a matter of course.

It's Twins!

While in Monorail the other day. Fizzy caught site of this album cover Cursor Miner Plays God, and reckoned the photograph looked a bit like him. Judge for yourself.

It Grows Back

Ben went for a haircut at lunchtime today. It took about 6 minutes and he now reckons he looks like a tennis ball.

Ben said that the woman who ran the place seemed more like a Madam, offering him up her 3 girls. I think the morale is don't go get your hair cut at a place called Head Office in Maryhill. Or in your lunch hour at all.

English Wood

News today that Woody Allen will be filming his new film entirely in London this summer.

He's Bizarro Jerry

Here's an interview that's not an interview with Jerry Seinfeld.

Every One of You is Fired

One of our commenters reminded me of something I wanted to post. You may have heard on the news that the entire chorus of La Boheme at the Festival Theatre in Edinburgh were fired ten minutes before they were due on stage last night. I've worked for some pish people, but that takes some nerve. When questioned as to the timing they replied "There's never a good time to fire anyone." But there are bad times, eh?

Maybe go and see Moulin Rouge director Baz Luhrmann's Broadway version instead.

Ben Folds - Fired

Fantastic Hospitality, Clive

Did anyone else notice the blatant bias for the host nation in the Portugal vs. Russia game the other night there? I can accept that they want England to win, just so long as it doesn't colour the way they see the game, but they're supposed to be providing a neutral commentary.

Yes the tournament will be better with Portugal progressing rather than Russia, bigger and more excited crowds, more skilful players, better football etc. However just cos the hotel porter runs about after you and the waitress gives you a wee wink, that shouldn't mean that you put your ITV microphone behind the Potuguese. If Clive and the rest of the lads are finding Portugal a great place to be that's fine, just so long as they're not being paid to become cheerleaders for the national team.

Since I'm keeping one eye on the trouble in Portugal I suppose it's only fair to mention the Russian fanny who invaded the pitch.

Are You Gonna Bark All Day Little Doggie...

There was an interview in the Metro this morning with Michael Madsen and it just reminded me that his official website is a good read. Especially 'Michael's Take on his own Films' section.

He divvies them up into 'Recommended' 'Watchable' 'Skip it' and 'Unwatchable.' He still finds the time to get a few digs in with films in the 'recommended' section "One key scene of mine omitted for no apparent reason," for example.

Of Species II - "Big Mistake."

He also writes poetry.

Everyday Common Denominator Stuff

Here's a brief interview with one of the best stand-ups ever, Steven Wright.

Kill Them All

As regular readers will know Fizz is waging a one man war against Channel 4, however I now feel like joining in.

For the last few nights I've come home to find some of the most appalling people I've ever seen on my TV. Big Brother (I'm not linking to it) and Sex With Strangers.

The collection of folk they've gathered together for this year's Nothings Who Think They're Something competition is unbelieavable. How have they managed to find such appalling individuals?

The Glaswegian guy, who seemed determined that people realise he's a hard man..."He taunted me with his dancing!" Have you ever seen a guy so afraid of his actual sexuality? And Victor, is it? The "Do you know who I am?" guy. The guy who looks like he's desperate to rape that daft wee lassie to 'teach her a lesson.' Scum. I enjoyed that he accused her of being a racist, like she couldn't dislike him simply for the fact that he's a knob. You must be racist, eh?

They love their stupid lassies on Big Brother, don't they? Like it's all a big laugh that some woman has got into her twenties without being able to spell 6 letter words or know the difference between a country and a bit of fruit.

See when you realise that you're gay, is it before or after you put on a high voice, become hysterical over nothing and start mincing around in your underwear?

Aye, turn it off, fine, but Channel 4 are still wasting money on it. Still neglecting to find/create actual quality programming, putting people with skills and talent on television. And what the fuck is it they're getting them to do while they're in there "Marco's task is to fall over the feather and roll over 6 times...Marco has passed his task." Why not get 12 folk, lock them in a room and see if they can come up with a cure for cancer or AIDS? It might be worthwhile, you could actually have respect for them and they may justify their 'celebrity' afterwards.

Just point a camera at everybody, then everyone's famous and to rise to the ranks of 'celebrity' whatever the fuck that is, you would have to rise above everyone else. Not just be one of a handful of people on television, famous for nothing.

What a horrible thing Big Brother is, giving people who want fame and attention but have no talent or skills the outlet to achieve all their shallow goals.

Just take it off air now. Channel 4 seem delighted that there was a 'near riot' the other night there. It seemed to me like spoiled children throwing their toys around and screaming at the top of their voices. Now they think they can justify its inclusion in the broadcast schedule cos there was some 'controversy.' Pull the plug on it.

As for Sex With Strangers, a collection of trailer trash Americans who 'swing.' Funnily enough they were all to a man and woman unattractive, imagine that. "It was her pussy I was eating out. I'm not having no one tell me to get out the way. She wasn't telling me to stop or nothing. It's her pussy."

What did amuse me was that the epilogue told us that they had all either lost their jobs because of their swinging or they had become Born Again Christians.

For an alternative look at Big Brother, head over to Ronnie's site.

What's up with That?

Here's a nice wee article on Jerry Seinfeld and observational comedy with particular reference to comedians who forget to have any actual observations.

...Sung in Both his Native Arabic and Hindi

Here's some exciting news of a DVD of world music videos Travel the World with Putumayo, yes why have I blogged it?

"His Body Should Have Been Burned in a Trash Bin"

We've already covered the revised history now being woven about Ronald Reagan, but just over ten years ago another former US President was being wrongfully lauded as an American Hero. Here's a great article about the death of Richard Nixon by Hunter S Thompson.

Turning up the Heat on Fahrenheit 9/11

There has to be some kind of irony about people trying to ban a film named in homage to a book about banning books. A group called Move America Forward is attempting to have Michael Moore's new documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 pulled from cinemas.

Michael Moore has his detractors, boy does he have his detractors, lots and lots of them. Whatever you think of him, one man making the Leader of the Free World sweat a bit has to be a good thing. For my money the thing a lot of the afore mentioned detractors miss about him, is that he's not Anti-American but Anti-Bush administration.

However despite the problems he may have with the film, I doubt he would welcome help from Hezbollah.

It's Crunch Time

England have met Switzerland on 22 previous occasions, four of which are not recognised by the English FA. All four of those matches were English victories. From the remaining 18 games England have won 11, drawn four and three games were won by Switzerland.

Switzerland's only competitive victory was in a World Cup Qualifier in Basle, 1981. They last met in the European Championships in England, 1996, where they fought out a 1-1 draw.

For details of all England-Switzerland clashes have a look at this resource.

Personally, I think England will win this afternoon, then they can all start crowing again. Traditionally when they're up against it in the second group game they pull a result out of the hat, to keep them in the tournament, even if it's just a draw.

In the World Cup Finals in 86 and 90 they took draws in the second game against Morocco (where Ray Wilkins became only the 4th England player ever to be sent off) and the Republic of Ireland respectively, after they had opened with a loss to Portugal in the first instance and a draw with Holland in the latter. Two years ago they drew one all with Sweden in the opener and scraped past Argentina 1-0 with a Beckham penalty, in the second match.

In the European Championship of 1992 they followed a 0-0 with Denmark with a similar scorline against France. Four years later, after that draw with the Swiss, they of course went out and hammered Scotland 2-0. In 2000 they were up against it after losing 3-2 to Portugal, but beat Germany, with Alan Shearer getting the goal.

Only in 1988 did they contrive to lose all of their games.

Looking back it occurs to me that it never seems to be mentioned that England are poor starters in these tournaments. For some reason Italy have that reputation, yet they have only lost 1 of their last 11 opening matches in major finals.

Riotwatch Update III

Eleven 'Britons' have been escorted from Portugal and how's this for swift justice, a Kent fireman has been banged up for two years for being the ringleader of Monday night's mayhem.

Incidentally I'm all for UEFA's decision that the bother in Portugal so far has not been football related. It's taken place several (hundred) miles away from where the England team are playing and let's face it, these folk would probably be starting a barney on holiday wherever they went. Just here they can do it in the name of English Pride. So far I can't see any reason to kick England out.

Female readers will be pleased to note that my preview of tonight's England -Switzerland game will follow shortly.

Robert Quine

I just discovered today that another musician I've seen live, Robert Quine has died.

For anyone who has no idea who I'm talking about here's a brief biography from CNN.

He moved to New York in 1971 and became the lead guitarist for bassist Richard Hell's important group the Voidoids, with whom he recorded two albums. His skittering, unpredictable work with Hell defined the possibilities of punk guitar.

During the '80s, he recorded and toured frequently with Lou Reed and played on saxophonist/composer John Zorn's best-known albums. Quine made key guest appearances on Tom Waits' "Rain Dogs" (1985) and Marianne Faithfull's "Strange Weather" (1987). In 1989, he began a long association with Matthew Sweet; he also worked regularly with Lloyd Cole.

Stop Me Before I Kill Again!

Here's an hilarious if gruesome news story from South Africa. I love the fact that the guy complained about the police as "I pay taxes and their salary." Nutcases with voices in their head telling them to kill have rights the same as anybody else.

Happy Birthday Ronnie!

It's our mate Ronnie's birthday today. Something you'll notice from his site's URL 160676.net. Why not visit his site (if you don't already) and wish him a Happy Birthday!

Who You Gonna Call?

Ben's just done the best website ever. It's a company called Broomsticks. The guy's a psychic, but he's a corporate business psychic. The services he offers include ghost busting and crystal healing, he also offers to rid you of any 'unwanted poltergeists.' But my personal favourite is that he claims he can asses your staff to see if they are honest and trustworthy.

God help any company that brings him in. The following unfair dismissal claim would have to be a landmark industrial tribunal. In amongst suited up business folk and one pissed off ex-employee is a mad old hippie attemping to prove that he saw in your aura that you were prone to pocketing paperclips, skivving in the bog and nipping off home 5 minutes early of an evening.

What kind of business are you running if you need Mystic Phil to asses the karmic energy levels of every deal you enter into?

The Sacred Landscape is Everywhere

Here's an interesting feature on Julian Cope former rocker and now one of Britain's foremost Antiquarian Researchers.

I once had Julian Cope bellow into my face, when he jumped off stage and came into the crowd at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe Club, some years ago. That was an unnerving experience.

Riotwatch Update II

'Mostly English' hoolies have been at it again with the old rioting in Portugal.

Riotwatch Update

German fans are warming up for tonight's game with a portion of violence. See, it's not just the 'British Nationals.'

It's Germany vs. Holland

Apologies to our female readers, but while Euro 2004 is on, they'll be more football chat that perhaps is necessary.

Tonight Germany take on Holland in a match that's sure to be either a cracker or a turgid waste of time. Anyway, I thought I would feature some classic Dutch-German encounters here.

The first one up is the 1974 World Cup Final where Johan Cruyff became perhaps the best ever player to fail to win a World Cup.

Earlier in this tournament Holland also met East Germany.

On their way to winning the 1980 European Championships in Italy West Germany played Holland in the group stages defeating them by 3 goals to 2.

In the 1988 European Championships in West Germany, Holland win the tournament defeating the Germans 2-1 in the Semi-final with Marco van Basten hitting a last minute winner.

In the World Cup of 1990 the teams met again with West Germany running out 2-1 winners. However the game is best remembered for the incident between former Dutch boss Frank Rijkaard and current German charge Rudi Voller.

This from The Observer:

Rijkaard spits in Voller's mullet Milan, 24 June 1990

Having narrowly missed the German striker's silver mullet once already, Frank Rijkaard's second projectile of phlegm found its target. The spat that led to the spit had been building from the moment that Rijkaard upended Rudi Voller after 20 minutes of Holland's second-round World Cup match against Germany. Moments later, an emotional Voller lunged into a challenge on Dutch keeper Hans van Breukelen at the ensuing free-kick. Rijkaard took exception and, after a melee, the pair were sent off. It was then that the Dutchman's second phlegm missile found its target and hung from Voller's hair like a bauble. The incident brought new meaning to the phrase 'early bath'.

It's Sweden in 1992 and Holland meet the now reunified Germany. Holland run out 3-1 winners with Jurgen Klinsmann bagging the consolation for the Germans.

• The last time Germany beat the Dutch was 1-0 win in a friendly match on 24 April 1996. This also marks the last time Holland failed to score against the Germans.

• The last meeting was a friendly in November 2002 which the Dutch won 3-1 in Gelsenkirchen.

Riotwatch

It's kicked off in Portugal.

Mayor Quimby: Oh, dear God. Can't this town go one day without a riot?

From Episode AABF05 Mayored to the Mob

Asking For Trouble

Back at work, Marceline, one of the designers here has a website of her own. It's called Asking For Trouble and it's a diary of the record label she's set up. Just thought it might be worth sharing.

The Joys Of Summer

As you can see, Tom has taken over chief blogging duties as I'm spending the week with my hands down my pants eating Bockwurst watching the footie. In other words, I'm on Holiday.
And you can't beat a bit of that action last night. For a start it was a brilliant game, with genuinely breathtaking drama, the first real belter of the tournie.
Credit to England for giving the French a lot to think about and stopping them playing for most of the game.
Still, you have to laugh, not only at the quintessentially Scottish manner in which they lost but also the raw hilarity of a people who knock fuck out of eat other and their own communities when they lose....a fucking football match.
Precious little rioting about British soldiers being killed in a fake war, the mates and contemporaries of these morons - no, losing a game played between millionaires who wouldn't even entertain the idea of speaking to them; that's grounds to set the neighbour's Mondeo on fire.
I was almost feeling smug about those silly English hoolies until I got the 5 home from town today.
My sense of cultural superiority was puntured somewhat by a pair of schemies straight out of Ford Kiernan's cliche' handbook.
The Biggest problem, apart from the lassie being blind drunk at 3 pm was that "some guy" had said "oot ma way" to the man schemie, lets call him "Useless", which meant of course that "the cunt was getting stabbed". The plan was that he was going to wait until the guy got off the 75 in front of us, exit the 5 from the emergency hatch at the back and administer "a pure bleaching". This plan was sadly doomed to failure of course as Useless had failed to consider the fact that the 5 and the 75 go different ways and don't tend to deviate in terms of route simply because one passenger wants to stab another.
We then moved on to an argument between Useless and Mrs Useless about how pished she was and how she'd managed to get herself into the state she was so obvioulsy in. Her answer? She'd been up since 6AM. So of course, you start your daily drinking regimen a few hours early, your going to be off your tits ahead of schedule.
We then moved onto an argument about how long Useless had been out of jail. He said five months, she said three. After some though, and I can only imagine what an effort it must have been for him, he concurred, but, rather than gloat, Mrs Useless decided to spend her moment of triumph lolling around the floor like a stroke victim attempting fish a bottle of milk she'd dropped out from under the seat in front of her.
Mrs Useless was bade by her husband to "get up aff the flair" as she was "..pure embarrasin'" him. As I got off in Battlefield, they were busy arguing over who should roll a fag for the remainder of the journey.

So despite the wee chuckle I had at the English this morning, it would seem we are actually better than them at something after all. When it comes to worthless bams who ruin things for everybody else, we're still Number One.

Woman Gives Birth

Some amazing news that my attention has been drawn to, a Famous Woman has given birth! Wow! Check back here for regular updates of other people, possibly famous, possibly not - giving birth. Hopefully one day we can even post the headline 'Man Marries Woman,' just like in Episode 1F09 Homer the Vigilante.

You're Speechless Bobby Aren't You?

I've been involved in some sort of Flame War most of the morning with some guy from one of the offices down south.

I discovered an e-mail in my inbox that was sent on Friday night saying

"Just before we break up for the weekend I wanted to share a prayer for Sunday and discuss next Thursday. Should we beat France on Sunday then I personally think we should have a day of joyous celebrations on Monday. Then on Thursday arrange big TVs and get all the offices decked out with flags, instead of playing pop music on the sales floors we will just have the 3 lion's [sic] anthem on a loop. All phones should be answered with the following catch phrase "thanks for calling, we are praying for England, how can we help you?"

If and when we do get to the final..." Yada Yada Yada it goes on. Not enough with hearing pundits on the telly and in the papers building up England's chances, I'll be damned if I'm putting up with it in my inbox. So I e-mailed back asking how the 'joyous celebrations' were going so far.

It then descended into some guy having a go at Scotland and 'skirts' etc. I haven't heard back from him since I directed him to a Morris Dancing Discussion Board.

But my point is, I take no big joy in watching England lose at these tournaments. I'm perturbed by the culture that's developed whereby we have to adopt whomever plays England, some people taking it so far as to buy the shirts of their opposition. On the whole England do better than we do, so gloating when they get beat isn't really a smart thing to do. The last time we were at a major finals that they weren't was the World Cup of 1978 and we all know what happened there. But there's no way I'd support them as I've listened to crowing Englishmen oblivious to their shortcomings for as long as I've watched football. I've always liked English players, of the current crop I'd be happy to have Rooney, Owen, Campbell and Beckham in my team anytime, but to see England win a tournament would be unbearable. I must have seen that 1966 game about a dozen times.

As well as the English media the hooligan element comes into play as well. I couldn't cheer on a team who when they lose their fans go out and smash up whatever city they happen to be in. Here's a selection of English 'antics'. Yes, most of their fans are out just to enjoy the game and will drown their sorrows with a few yards of ale when they get beat and refrain from looting or clubbing the nearest foreigner or copper, but I'd still like them to take the first available plane home.

All that said I actually wouldn't mind too much if they made the semis, just please not the final.

More on Rockin' Ronnie

Here is a great article about the policies of 'America's Greatest Ever President' Ronald Reagan.

It Was Best Not to Make Eye Contact With Those Who Were Drunk

If you look at the previous post and the link from the New Zealand site, they have quite an amusing way of reporting the trouble in London. First of all I love 'English Soccer Louts' and how they were 'kicking over rubbish bins.'

"Fans have been in pubs all day drinking hell-for-leather, so by the time the game had finished they were well-liquored."

"You could see real anger in the eyes of some of the fans and it was best not to make eye contact with those who were drunk."

It just reminded me of Bill Hicks

"I'm over there in England you know, trying to get news of the riots, and all the Brit people are trying to sympathize with me… 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. If it's any consolation, crime is horrible here too.' Shut up. This is Hobbiton and I'm Bilbo Hicks, okay? This is the land of fairies and elves.

You gotta see English crime, if only we had crime like this, you know. It’s hilarious. You don’t know if you’re reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article, front page of the paper one day in England: ‘Yesterday some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.’

‘Whoo-oo!’
‘The hooligans are loose, the hooligans are loose. What if they become ruffians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shaftesbury tonight. (singing) No one knows what it’s like to be a dustbin . . . in Shaftesbury . . . with hooligans.’

What the hell are you talking about? Hooligan, ruffian — speak English! It’s Crip, Blood. I mean, I’m sure it’s a serious thing, hooligans, but it just sounds stupid, doesn’t it? Picture a bunch of pale guys with penny loafers and no socks.

(singing) ‘We’re the hooligans.’ (Pop!)
‘Hey, you fucker, come here.’
‘Nope, got to catch us. You corner me, I might become a scallywag.’

You know, it’s— yeah. It doesn’t sound scary at all, does it? They have proper crime there. Yeah, I’d love to put the hooligans up against the Bloods in LA, that would be a . . . a short gang-battle.

(singing)‘We’re the hooligans.’ (Pop!)
(three gunshots) ‘Huh? Hoola something, I didn’t catch it all. Motherfucker danced up to me and patted me on the head. A pale motherfucker, look at that thing.’

It just wouldn’t be a long gang-battle. I’m bettin’ on the Bloods.

We're the Hooligans

Some people just can't lose gracefully, can they?

Why have disgruntled England fans chosen to vent their rage on the
Police in their own home towns? What's the thinking behind that? These folk don't even have the basics of Xenophobia straight. This is another reason why we're quite happy to see England crash out of these tournaments, cos more often than not when they get beat some poor shopkeeper or car owner has to suffer their windows smashed or their car upturned.

Aye, it's a 'minority,' should we be grateful that it's not the majority? It still happens too frequently to be excused. To be fair the 60,000 in Portugal seemed to have handled it better than the handful back home who probably would be causing fights at the weekend anyway.

No Close Up for Tony

Michael Moore is not as had been reported earlier, making a film about Tony Blair.

At Least You Qualified Lads

It's only early days, but surely the England fans aren't ready to turn their midguided elation into rioting just yet?

Ooh, What a Shame, Eh?

Have it Uruguay*

You know that we love all things Simpsons related here. Well I found this on Yewknee and it's fantastic, though you have to wonder about the people that put it together. It's a Map of Springfield, 'A highly detailed map of the Simpsons' hometown.'

* The title comes from a shop on South Street Squidport, Springfield.

We're Number One!!!

I won't tell you what but if you enter a search for a few things we've blogged about here, you'll find we're top or near the top of the rankings on Google.
So here we are, writing a weblog that gets no. 1 rankings while we are supposed to be working for a company who sell web ranking tools that couldn't get you near the first page on a Google search in a million years. Irony anyone?

"I Have No Qualms with Having a Life of Dubious Achievements."

Here's some news that Doug Stanhope is writing a book of his road stories.

No Friend of Ours

The Sopranos main man James Gandolfini reportedly actioned a hit on the Queer Eye For the Straight Guy cast.

Well, I Thought About the Army

Today, Fizzy's birthday is Army Day in Jordan.

You're the Birthday Boy or Girl

Today is Fizzy's birthday. He is 35. He shares his birthday with Judy Garland and Darren "The Human Beat Box" Robinson Also on this day in 1967 Israel ended the Six Day War.

On the day of Fizzy's birth New York Mets beat San Fransisco Giants 9-4, I couldn't really find out much that happened that day.

Wal-E-Weasel: Hey there, I hear it's your birthday, how old are you?
Bart: Well, I'm...
Wal-E-Weasel: Thats great! Would you like us to sing you a special song?
Bart: Hell no!
Wal-E-Weasel: You've got it, ready Senor P. Varotti?
P-Varotti: I'm-a- ready! And a one, and a two!
Song: You're the birthday, you're the birthday, you're the birthday boy or girl!

From Episode 8F11 - Radio Bart

Choking on the bullshit

What a stupid country we live in.
Yesterday, the health secretary John Reid was lambasted for daring to suggest that people from a lower socio-economic earnings bracket (i.e schemies) had little more to look forward to in life than a fag. His point was that in trying to get people to cut out the fags, it was important not to patronise people or make them feel the state was trying to nanny them.
The reaction? Headlines in the papers like "Let The Poor Smoke Says Reid" and shrieks of discontent from idiots representing low income communities and anti-smoking pressure groups.
We often complain in this country with some foundation that our politicians are useless, out of touch with the people, that they speak a different language to the rest of us. But then why should a politician attempt to speak plainly when he or she is not allowed to express an honest opinion without being deliberately misconstrued by people with their own agendas trying to score points?
Smoking is becoming a bit of a political football at the minute. The losers who are banding together to try and force a public ban on smoking are sensing that there is some momentum and political will behind them, especially from those within the Labour party still in love with the old Labour ideal of telling us all what's best for us.
The outmoded concept of the nanny state, with the liberal middle classes acting as benevolent dictators, patting us plebs on the head and telling us what's good for us is alive and well. It's that attitude that is patronising, not John Reid suggesting that all some of us have to look forward to during another mind numbing day in this shithole country is having a fag. On that score he is sadly spot on.
It won't be long before smokers can't light up in public places which is pathetic. To me, smokers have been picked out as an easy target by people within the health industry who want to look back on their careers and say they have "done something". They could take on the food companies who are stuffing their products with sugar, salt and fat, they could take on the drinks industry, who do far more damage. They could take on the petrochemical and oil industry, but instead they have chosen to act like bullies, picking on the wee guy (individual smokers) instead of someone who might give them a kicking.
I love the idea of not being able to smoke in a restaurant while cars going past the window spew forth greenhouse gases that will eventually kill us all.

There is another issue in this as well of course. What the hell are we going to do with all the people who aren't going to die? How are we paying for the legions of old people that general health improvements are going to leave us with over the next few decades? The pensions black hole that people are beginning to talk about now will be the issue of the next thirty years and could end up with people like ourselves having to work into our seventies and beyond. Fuck that. I'm having a fag.

You Don't Talk to a Lot of Women Do You?

Some more Simpsons quotes, this time all devoted to Moe.

Moe walks in.

Moe: Hello.
Homer: Moe, what are you doing here?
Moe: What? What, a bartender can't come by and say hi to his best
customer? Hey, hey there, Midge. Oh, gee, I like what you've
done with your hair.
Marge: You caught me at a real bad time, Moe. I hope you understand
I'm too tense to pretend I like you.
Moe: Uh, and how are the little kids doing? I mean, really, how are
they doing? Any disabling injuries, something, say, that the
gambling community might not yet know about? [grabs Bart's leg]
Come here, let me see those knees.
Marge: [stands up] Moe, I think you should leave. [forces him out]
Moe: But Blanche, you gotta help me out here, please! I'm 64 grand in
the hole! They're gonna to take my t'umbs!

From Episode 2F05 Lisa on Ice

Renee: Really, you think I’m gorgeous?
Moe: Yeah, well the parts that are showing. I guess you could have a lot of weird scars or a fake ass or something.
Renee: You don’t talk to a lot of women do you?

From Episode 5F12 Dumbbell Indemnity.

You Have Been Highly Recommended to Me By Circus People and a Pine Cone Salesman

Still laughing, this time at Even More Letters From a Nut.

Jerry's Coming Out!

The Seinfeld DVD is almost ready! Though not until November.

Kurt Out And Keep

At the risk of sounding all Cockney, do yourself a favour and read this terrific article by one of America's greatest writers, Kurt Vonnegut.

Autumn De Wilde

Here's a smart portfolio of rock star photos including a load of Elliott Smith.

Letters From A Twat

Anyone who read my greeting faced post about NYPD BLUE a few weeks ago will know that Channel 4 and I don't exactly see eye to eye.

A few weeks ago I sent them this:

"I have a few questions about the scheduling of the latest series of NYPD Blue.
Firstly, what are the viewing figures like? Rubbish? I wonder why.
As a fan of the show who's followed it from day one on your channel, I feel a little mucked about when my loyalty to the show and to you guys means that I have to stay up until well past midnight to actually watch the broadcast. Yes, I know I can "always tape it" but why should I have to?
So is it just that no-one is watching it bar me?
If that's the case why is it every time I pick up a TV mag either a member of the public or a reviewer is complaining about the lack of support NYPD Blue is getting from the channel that first brought it to this country.
I would urge you not to continue with your policy of burying this fine programme.
I would also urge you get the series up to speed as soon as possible as well.
Unless by broadcasting two+ year old episodes of a former flagship show at almost one in the morning with no ad support whatsoever is your way of telling NYPD Blue's remaining audience to quietly shuffle off into the night, which is pretty much what we're being asked to do anyway."

I got this typically trite and patronising response today:

"Dear Mr Campbell,

Thanks for your email.

We're sorry that you are not happy about the scheduling of NYPD Blue, and have passed your comments on to those responsible.

We're unable to discuss specific audience ratings, but can confirm that NYPD Blue is no longer watched in sufficient numbers to justify a primetime slot. We appreciate that the programme has retained some loyal fans, and are pleased to still be broadcasting it for their benefit.

Thank you for taking the trouble to write to us, and for your interest in Channel 4.

Regards,

Myles Green
Information Officer"

I went with a fairly polite response:

"Dear Mr Green,
May I thank you for your reply to my original enquiry. I'm afraid however, it was a less than satisfactory response to a perfectly reasonable question.

Why as a public service broadcaster are you "unable to discuss specific audience ratings" with a viewer? Why all the secrecy?
Secondly I understand that NYPD Blue no longer gets the ratings it once did but I think you may have missed my point on the matter.
Ratings are going to suffer on a show that is inexplicably not broadcast for over two years and then stuck on past midnight with no ad support. If it hadn't been for a piece in the Radio Times, I would never have known it was coming back on.
There is surely a pre midnight spot for NYPD Blue. The entertainment schedule cannot be completely choked with reality nonsense, “Friends” repeats and “100 Best” lists.
I would have thought the ideal spot would have been in place of the woeful "Without a Trace".
In any case, I am grateful to channel 4 for broadcasting the show at all, even if the current series is still dealing with the immediate psychological fall out of 9/11.

All the best,
Fraser Campbell"

I'll see what they respond with. In the meantime, my one man campaign to get NYPD Blue back on before it's my bedtime continues!

"Dear Coca Cola, I have a beverage called Kiet Doke. Will it interfere with your beverage - Diet Coke?"

At work we've all been chortling at extracts from Letters From a Nut and More Letters From a Nut by Ted L. Nancy or is it Jerry Seinfeld? Whatever.

Who Likes Short Shorts?

Last night Charlotte (update that blog wumin) and I went to see a short film written and directed by a friend of ours, Jim. His film 'Who Do You Love?' was actually really good, so we didn't have to lie while quaffing free drink later.

There were around a dozen or so films in the screening, some of which are featured here. The standard was quite good, normally with short films you get served up pointless pish or arty nonsense and although there was a little bit of that it was on the whole a decent selection.

I did sit uncomfortably through the inevitable Man loses Wife Man hires Prostitute Man attempts to kill Prosititute film though. It didn't help the following film's cause when the lead in that was also the lead in the next one.

Some of Jim's advice on writing for television can be found here.

By the Way, Homer, What's Your Least Favorite Country: Italy or France?

Sometimes working here feels a bit like working at Globex. No one here is as supremely evil as Hank Scorpio though.

"Scorpio!
He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth.
Beware of Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employees' health.
He'll welcome you into his lair,
Like the nobleman welcomes his guest.
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
But beware of his generous pensions,
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year,
And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
He loves German beer!"

"...the bombing of Russia will begin in five minutes..."

Isn't it amazing the way we bum people up when they die?

World leaders have been lining up all weekend to express sympathy in the face of Ronald Reagan's death.
Apparently, now he 's dead he was "...a great American" and an "Optimist".

Here are a few reminders of what he was really like:

1981
U.S. Steps up role in El Salvador. This poor Central American country was in the grip of a civil war, with poor revolutionaries fighting the American-supported military regime, whose "death squads" killed thousands of dissidents, including American missionaries. Seeing the revolutionaries as a Communist threat that could result in another Soviet-allied port, Reagan decided that beefing up the funds to the regime would win the war faster. Congress decided to increase funds.

1982
U.S.Troops ordered to Lebanon. Following a PLO shelling from Lebanon in 1981, Israel bombs supposed PLO bases outside of Lebanon, killing many civilians. Israel then annexes the Golan Heights, a Syrian territory. In 1982, Israel invades Lebanon, seizing the capital of Beirut in the midst of a Lebanese civil war. Lebanon asks for aid from Syria, and the Israelis are fighting the Syrians, the Lebanese regime, and the Lebanese rebels, making refugees out of one million civilians. To promote peace, Reagan orders U.S. marines to Lebanon. Unsure of what to do, the marines get embroiled in the war.

U.S. aid to Contras in Nicaragua revealed. In Nicaragua, the Sandanista rebels lead by Daniel Ortega, overthrew the right wing Somoza dictatorship. After buying weapons from the Soviets and asking Cubans to work in their hospitals, schools, and army, the Sandanistas appeared to be a Soviet client. In 1981 the CIA begins the training, arming, and direction of more than ten thousand counterrevolutionaries, or contras, most of whom supported the Somoza regime. From CIA bases in Honduras and Costa Rica, the contras raided Nicaragua, killing innocents and destroying oil refineries.

1983
Strategic Defense Initiative (Star Wars) announced. Star Wars? What is this, an attempt to get kids interested in national defense? Actually, Reagan, believing the more arms we had the better negotiations with Russia would go, authorized the development of many new weapons, including the MX missile, the B-1 bomber, and an anti-missile defense system from outer space, or the Star Wars project.

Invasion of Grenada. After a pro-Cuban leftist regime takes power in the Caribbean island of Grenada, Reagan decides to overthrow it.

1986
Iran-Contra Scandal breaks. during a time when the U.S. was prohibited from sending arms to the Contras, the government improvises. The U.S., thanks to the idea of John M. Poindexter, Oliver North, and CIA Director William Casey, sold arms to Iran and diverted the profits to the Contras so that they could purchase weapons. At this time, the U.S. was condemning Iran as a terrorist nation for it's support of the Shiite Muslims in Lebanon (who had U.S. hostages), urging it's allies to not trade with them. The scandal made Reagan look bad. Really bad. And stupid too, because he acted as if oblivious to the entire thing.

1988
U.S. warship downs Iranian airliner. Thanks to an overeager captain, a U.S. warship outfitted with new technology downs an Iranian commercial airliner, killing hundreds of Iranian civilians.

The major conflict of the Reagan administration was foreign affairs. With the adoption of a policy promoting the blatant non-recognition of sovereign governments that might side with the Soviets or Cuba, Reagan dumped billions of dollars into the support of the Contras and various other governments. This didn't even appear necessary, because America was on the verge of an unprecedented peace with the Soviets.
In the Middle East, Reagan pointlessly sent troops to Lebanon, only to have them beaten by terrorists, causing uneasy relations with Libya and Iran.

I'll always remember Reagan as the man who gave Thatcher international credibility and as the man who allowed fundimentalist Christians their foothold in the White House.
But most of all, I'll remember him fondly as a man who loved his opressive right wing puppet governments. Who knows, maybe because he just loved puppets.
Which reminds me; I wonder why there were no expressions of sympathy from his one time best bud, a Mr Saddam Hussein?

And while we're at it 66 (Unflattering) things about Ronald Reagan.

Name the Baby

Cathy's sister is expecting a baby and asked us for suggestions on what to call him. As his surname is Willis, Fizzy brilliantly suggesting calling him Whatyoutalkinbout.

Librarians Do it Quietly

For any cool librarians out there, looking for gear, here's the place to visit.

You Can Really Rock Sadam Hussein's Ass

Does no one else remember Wesley Willis? He had an hilarious single and video out about 6 or 7 years ago called Alanis Morrisette.

How could you forget lyrics like this:

"You are a rockin' maniac.
You are a singin' hyena.
You are a rock star in Jesus' name.
You can really rock Sadam Hussein's ass.
You are so lovable to me in the long run.
ALANIS MORISSETTE!
ALANIS MORISSETTE!
ALANIS MORISSETTE!
ALANIS MORISSETTE!"

I think I remember Ronnie saying he had died. That right Ronnie?

Padding it Out

Nicole Kidman is all set to wear a whole load of padding for her part in the film version of the play of the film of The Producers.

Kiwis Out

For any of you following the Oceania World Cup Qualifying, you'll be horrified to learn that New Zealand have crashed out.

I got me a Woody...

One day when he's dead people will finally realise that Woody Allen has made five or six of the best movies in American film history. Unlike this daft cow here.
It really gets on my tits when hacks from a whore business like journalism have a go at artists, applying their own compromised, tired logic to the work of the people who turned their back on the kings shilling, deciding instead to create for a living.
This lassie's main bone of contention with Woody Allen seems to be based on Allen as a person and his "dubious" relationship with His ex-lover Mia Farrow's adopted daughter. The suggestion that "he'd been in loco parentis (however semi-detached) for eight very impressionable years" with Soon-Yi is an ugly and clumsy attempt at implying paedophilia, supporting Farrow's rather desperate claims that Allen abused her other children. These allegations were made once Farrow realised that without Allen, her career was pretty much over and were subsequently retracted. It's pish anyway.
Allen might have been Mommy's boyfriend but he never raised Soon-Yi, she's Andre Previn's adopted daughter, not his.
In any case, Allen's behaviour in his personal life is beside the point.
What does the person have to do with the art? What has who you're boning have to do with the quality of work you produce? Sinatra was a wanker, ditto Van Gogh. George Best has been a waste of space for decades and Hemingway was a boor. So what?
That's the point of art; to create something beautiful and worthwhile in spite of your human fallibility.

Even if you do accept the criticism of Woody Allen as a person you have to be stunned by the gall of some hack nobody who during her piece claims Allen's latest film suffers because of an "overlong, badly structured, underdeveloped script". Yeah because what does a fanny like Woody Allen know about writing eh? He's only one of the most accomplished writers and filmmakers in cinema history.
And therein lies the fundamental difference between the two schools of writing. Creative writers create for the sake of creating, sure to entertain and to make money, but also to see if what they are saying about life has any resonance. With journalism it's either build up or tear down, there's always an angle. In the press, Woody Allen's new film is always a "disaster" or "his funniest comedy in years!".
Allen's best work is behind him, we all know that, so does he. After all, he's 70 years old. It's just a shame to see someone so transparently jealous of his talent and freedom attempt to crassly tear him down.

Yes, she's always from earth

This site has kept me entertained today. It's The Miss Universe 2004 website. Sweet.

Can you manage to not go directly to the Swimsuit section?

The All Whites

Back at work Ben is fretting about his national side, New Zealand and their chances of qualifying for World Cup 2006.

They've just suffered a shock defeat to Vanuatu. However they came back with a 10-0 win over Tahiti.

We noticed that the attendances for some of the Oceania World Cup Qualifiers have been less than sold out. How about 100 turning up to see American Samoa lose 9-1 to Vanuatu?

Greatest British Team II

As a companion piece to Fizzy's previous post. Here's my All Time British team, excluding players already selected.

Peter Shilton (GK) England

Danny McGrain (DF) Scotland

Terry Butcher (DF) England

Alan Hansen (DF) Scotland

Stuart Pearce (DF) England

Martin O'Neill (MF) Northern Ireland

David Beckham (MF) England

Ray Kennedy (MF) England

George Best (FW) Northern Ireland

Kenny Dalglish (FW) Scotland

Gary Lineker (FW) England

Subs

Ray Clemence (GK) England
Jimmy Nicholl (DF) Northern Ireland
Billy Bremner (MF) Scotland
Ian Rush (FW) Wales
John Toshack (FW) Wales

If I tried it again I would probably change my mind about 7 of them. And that's the point that Fizzy was making earlier, it would be a really contentious subject. I was also wary of choosing players in order to have a representitive from their country. For example I could have had Neville Southall in goal, just to have a Welshman in my team.

I also seem to have made my selection predominately from players who played in an era I grew up in. They're the players I know. I could have had Duncan Edwards in there, but since I've only ever seen a few minutes of grainy black and white footage of him, I didn't think I should.

I've missed Gascoigne out cos he's wife beating scum. I'd really liked to have included Matthew Le Tissier, but as his England career amounted only to 7 games plus the aborted friendly in Dublin, I couldn't really justify it.

You could also puzzle over the selection of Ray Kennedy. A guy who I'm sure would feature in few people's all time England sides let alone a British one. With only 17 caps there's countless other candidates to fill a midfield berth. However his club record speaks for itself, he was one of the most decorated players of the last 35 years and I remember him as being a tremendous all round midfielder in one of the best club sides ever, so for that reason he's in.

Alan Hansen's selection couldn't really be criticised, but his international record was nothing to shout about. His performances and roll of honour with Liverpool however, puts him up with the best defenders in Europe.

You see how seriously I've taken this exercise? If only I could take a job as seriously as that.

Access Denied

The system they've got here at work to flush out scud sites is a total pain in the neck. It blocks most actresses' websites, female singers and sites for Blue Tits. However most days whatever household item I enter, it will allow me to see a photograph of someone's knob. Power Tools - there's some guy holding his very own 'power tool.' Pathway, yes who knows why but I can clearly see some cock showing it all off. Health and Safety on the Petrol Station Forecourt, there's some guy...

Here's Some Links

For no real reason here's some time wasting links.

This one was on Ronnie's site some time ago, but we've been messing around on it today. Guess the Dictator or Sit-Com Character. It's pretty tricky to beat it, though it does ask hunners of questions.

This one has also been around for a while Call Centre Confidential. It's pretty funny. I enjoyed the entry where he was told that speaking to a customer who had wandered in off the street would be 'good for development.' This is the kind of nonsense that places like that attempt to force feed you. That dealing with someone in the flesh is a challenging obstacle that will 'develop' you. When I worked in hellholes like that 'development' was one of my least favourite words. Something some fanny running a management course served up in lieu of any real fucking insight.

It's Not That Small!

I receive at least two e-mails a day suggesting I have my penis enlarged. Who the fuck responds to these ads? Israel Greenberg drops you a note and off you go to have some charlatan somewhere stretch your cock out? Someone with an obvious fake name pretends to be all matey with you, to tempt you into needless and no doubt messy surgery. Or do they give you pills? I've never really looked at their ads long enough.

It's the modern equivalent of going round a pub with a Head sports holdall. "Needin' an extra couple o' inches there, pal?" Now I've started to get 'Discount Enlargement' offers. Just what kind of low self esteem fool do they take me for? "Let's target this guy, he's skint and he's only got half an inch in his trousers."

"What parts of the body to remove, etc"

Does anybody care how you make a Mummy? Or the stories of Anglo Saxon coins? No? Neither do I, but Ian here at work does.

Food for Thought

I've just been advising Cathy at work to go for dinner here. The food is terrific and it's Bring Your Own Bottle. She did ask me if the name means the same here as it does in Australia. It does.

Once again, Channel 4 are fucking me off...

This coming weekend is a real treat for football fans - as long as you're English.
Channel 4 have once again got me chucking the remote at the screen with their best ever England team programme.
The show, which allows viewers to vote on their favorite English football players of all time seems like a great idea but for two things.
Firstly, Channel 4 is supposed to be a NATIONAL broadcasters. It might be news to them but viewers from Scotland, Wales and N. Ireland also tune in and expect to see something of interest to everyone, not just English viewers.
English people always seem to have a hard time figuring out why they are hated by almost everyone else in the world. It's because English based broadcasters act as if no one else matters. Then there is that bizarre sense of entitlement that pervades the English media (Anyone get the idea that England have already won Euro 2004 ? You will when it starts, believe me) and the always distasteful carnival of borderline fascist English patriotic fervor the media leads whenever major sporting events loom large.
It's a shame. Most English people I know aren't like that at all, even if they do get a bit over excited when the footie's on.
That this programme (Remember? Aye?) excludes anyone who doesn't give a toss about England (and there are quite a few of us) seems to stem from this typically boorish English trait of simply forgetting the rest of Britain exists , or more accurately that the rest of us don't matter as much as they do.

The second reason this is a lot of pish is more simple - a best British team ever would have been much more interesting as a programme.
What about this for example:

Pat Jennings (GK) N. Ireland
Bobby Moore (DF) England
Danny Blanchflower (DF) N. Ireland
Wille Miller (DF) Scotland
Ryan Giggs (MD) Wales
Bobby Charlton (MD) England
Jim Baxter (MD) Scotland
Jimmy Johnstone (MD) Scotland
John Charles (FW) Wales
Jimmy Greaves (FW) England
Denis Law (FW) Scotland

Ok, a bit Scotland heavy but therein would be the fun of the show, everyone has their favorites and everyone leans towards their own guys.

Once again, Channel Four have missed an opportunity and instead have elected to piss loyal viewers off. If I had any energy left from waiting up for NYPD Blue, I would have a good mind to complain.

Celebrity Skin

Have you ever thought about what celebrity you look like? With a simple photograph you can find out here. I've posted our results, as you can see. You will notice that I bear a striking similarity to Hugh Grant.



It's a second mention on our blog this week for Fizz doppelganger Charles Bronson. Who'd have thought that combining Charlie with a little touch of Freddie Mercury would give you Fizz.









Being curious sorts, we also decided what we'd look like as a famous woman. Well, we lucked out and discovered that we are both rides as ladies.




It's only now that I can see that hint of Cher that faces me in the mirror each day. Sneakers star Julia Roberts and Jamie Lee Curtis complete Tom's famous lady make up.


Fizz has that subtle blend of Gina Gershon, Miss USA Ali Landry and star of Dangerous Ground Liz Hurley.