Sunday 31 October 2004

Show Enjoyed by All

Our show on Saturday went off without any hitches and to my immense relief was a considerable success. It looked and felt every inch a professional production, and indeed it was. We had not one weak link in our chain of actors, singers, musicians, dancers, sound and lighting men or recording crew.

I don't think I'm overstating to say that the performances and Clare's direction was first class. I really enjoyed performing in it.

Although the main thing was that Gail's family enjoyed it, which they did, I think my reward was Anna Ryder Richardson telling me that I was great. First Nigella and now Anna, quite a week for fit women I like from the telly.

I do have photographs of the rehearsals and after the show, but stupidly (drunkenly) left my camera behind at the fancy dress party I attended afterwards. Never mind I'll get it back soon enough.

If you're reading this and saw the show, or hey, if you were in it. Your comments will be welcome.

My Book

If you didn't know can I tell you that it is National Novel Writing Month. Though I think it's an American site so technically it's probably International Novel Writing Month.

The idea is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days, from 1st November until midnight on 30th November. Blogger are promoting it and encourage entrants to set up a blog for their novel. This is their novel blogs site.

My blog is here.

At the moment I've little idea what I'm going to write about, but I'll give it a go anyway. Hey it gives us all another five minutes away from our real jobs eh? Why don't you give it a go yourself?

I've also encouraged Fizz to get in on the action. I think this sounds like the perfect home for his proposed 'The Infiltrator' novel.

Thursday 28 October 2004

No Feet up for Me

Although I've been off work, I've still been busy. Some of you may know that I'm producing a show that goes ahead this Saturday.

The show, A Slightly Lugubrious Bluebird of Happiness, is in tribute to my pal Gail, who died last month. I have kind of enjoyed organising it, even though it's a little bit stressful. I have of course ran into the various problems that crop up in this type of business.

Like having to go to the post office and hand over hard cash because my artist neglected to put any stamps on the poster he had sent. Then to open it up and discover that the Peter Saville to my Tony Wilson, had invented a new surname for Gail. Then followed a flurry of texts and e-mails in order to have the problem resolved. I spent an afternoon in the copyshop today, listening to the woman going 'pheeew, this is going to cost ya.'

I also appear to have been let down by a guy at the Metro, who came to me, suggesting that he put a piece in the paper about it. "It's no problem. It'll be in." A piece that has yet to materialise. That's fucking media folk for you.

Other than that, the only main problems involve booking rehearsal space and ensuring that people turn up. So far I haven't had an entire cast, and I don't think I will until about 3 hours before showtime.

I've found little time to actually learn the poems I have to perform on Saturday night.

Fingers crossed it'll all go well and I'll try to provide a review and photographs on Monday.

Anything Seem Familiar?






















Some Comments

Fizz has been busy with the posts I see, while I've been off. I'll just comment on a few of them.

John Peel
I was gutted to hear that he had died (I heard incidentally by reading Fizz's post). It's still kind of hard to take in. He wasn't someone I listened to an awful lot, but I always enjoyed him when I did. I remember last year, living in student accomodation, with only a radio for company and listening to him. I mind he played The Marxist Brothers, what a great name for a band I thought. Beaten only by one of the last bands to be championed by him Steveless. So named because no one called Steve is in the band.

For me, the reason that John Peel enjoyed such longevity as a relevant broadcaster was because he realised that the music was the star of the show, whereas a lot of other DJs harboured under the misapprehension that they were. John Peel was as much an influence on British music as The Smiths, New Order or any other band he played.

Alasdair
A harmless wee guy, who sometimes doesn't know what he says can be heard by more than just him. And doesn't realise when he's on Britney Spears messageboards, people can see over his shoulder. I'm in the 'good guy' camp on young Al.

The Nearly Men of Writing
Yes, I'd like to get a firm answer as well instead of opening e-mails titled 'Commission,' only to find that a commission is still a way off, though nearer all the time. For anyone interested it's Radio Scotland with the pen quavering over the dotted line.

The Lovely Nigella

Yes,as Fizz has already commented Ronnie and I went to see Nigella this lunchtime. We stood in a huge queue, mainly consisting of middle class folk who like to cook Cul-de-Sac of Chicken with roasted parsnip and lazy mash. So us two giggling schoolboys stood out a bit.

It's amzing how good a smile from a stunning looking classy, posh lass, you have no right to be near can make you feel. And what a corking picture she posed for. Every bit a class act she told Ronnie she'd do another one in case she moved in the first picture. She's so lovely you completely forget that she came from this.

You’re a Pro Writer! Nearly…

Dabbling as we do in the old writing, Tom and I would love nothing more than that first professional writing gig we can put on our CV and use to get more work.

We’ve had one particular project in the pipeline for almost a year now and, after last night, have been told three times by the producer that is has been commissioned, nearly.

While it does look likely that it’ll go ahead and launch the flesh avalanche of comedy talent that is Fizzy and Tom on an unsuspecting world, it would be great if a certain someone didn’t call again until the deal was done.

The situation sort of reminds me of the running joke in “The Man With Two Brains”, wherein Kathleen Turner keeps telling Steve Martin she’s dying to have sex with him but can’t for a range of increasingly absurd reasons.

Will it all pan out and go right for the lads? We’ll keep you posted…

Dirty Feckers

Tom and Ronnie have taken some time out today to go to a book signing featuring domestic (and every other kind of ) Goddess Nigela Lawson.

A huge fan of sexy women who lick their fingers a lot while cooking, I am of course green with envy.

Tom has already managed to send me a gloating text telling me:

“What a lovely big ride she is up close.”

I don’t doubt it. Ronnie has photos, which I am looking forward to getting a gander at, purely from an academic standpoint of course…

Alisdair – Awright Guy or Irritating Pipsqueak?


It may be because I’m in a particularly bad mood today (the wean had us up all night) but the guy who sits to the right of me in work, Alisdair, almost got a pen through his eyeball this morning when he outdid his usual talent for uttering the inane by saying this:

“I had a dream last night that I was having trouble sleeping”

He wasn’t even joking.

Letting Your Guts Rumble

Here is a snippet from this morning's Metro Mail Page:

"I think Allan of Edinburgh is missing the point. Although speeding may be a crime, the police should be concentrating on more important crime. I'm sure he would rather they catch rapists, murderers etc than someone doing a couple of MPH over a speed limit. My family are much more important to me than that."

Jackie, Edinburgh


What a fucking moron.

Why is it the only people who feel moved to write in to newspapers are complete clowns who wouldn't know a logical argument if it talked them out of their chips?

For a start you daft bastard/cow, your own kids are far more likely to be killed by you, "a couple of MPH over a speed limit" than by some bogey man hiding behind a dark corner.

You are also a significant danger to my child, not only because of your implict disregard for speeding laws, but because you are obviously a cretin with nary the mental capacity of a chicken. The simple fact that you exist makes the world a less safe place.

People have to get it into their heads that there aren't killers and rapists around every corner and that the police don't target speeders for a daft laugh. They kill people, a good number of people, every year.

People want to turn the fucking tele off for a second and try living their lives outwith the grip of the insane panic about fuck all so many seem enveloped in.

Tuesday 26 October 2004

John Peel

Well, what terrible news.

John Peel will be remembered as a man who made an indelible mark on British music, bringing the nation such great bands as The Undertones and The Smiths.

For me and many others he simply is BBC Radio, the voice and champion of new music for generations.

We all know that the BBC likes to cultivate it's image as a benevolent institution, working for the best interests and the betterment of the nation. Part of what allows that idea to hold water has died today and we are all the poorer for that.

He will be sadly missed by music fans the world over and not least by me.

Monday 25 October 2004

My Summer of Love

On Friday night I saw My Summer of Love (4/5). Very slow moving, but brilliant. A simple story that you may not think can sustain over an hour and a half but it really does.

Paddy Considine again proves that he's the best actor in Britain, with an amazing performance. The two girls were terrific as well, but Emily Blunt looks absolutely amazing.

However I reccomend it not cos one of the actresses is stunning to look at, but because it's an intelligent, thoughtfully made, beautiful to look at film with a first rate cast.

Gay Baseball Anyone?

For those of you who have never checked out our link to Doug Stanhope’s website, you are missing out on a real treat. With Hicks dead, Pryor out of commission and Chris Rock making bad movies, Stanhope is about the best gigging comedian around at the moment and his latest shtick had Tom and I practically falling off our chairs when we read it.

The Context: Washington DC – City fathers have in their wisdom decided to locate a new baseball team slap bang in the middle of the local gay district, buying up their businesses and clubs and basically wrecking their whole scene in that annoying “fuck you, we’re doing it” manner city councils tend to do these things.
Using his innate ability to combine hilarity with Alexandrian logic, Stanhope suggests to the gay community that they threaten to “adopt” the new team and “get busy” in the stands during the matches.
As Stanhope himself says:

“They will not back down from threats of losing the gay vote in your district. They are not worried about your threats of lawsuits, either - c'mon, you're gay not Jewish. But the threat of 20,000 guys sucking cock in the stands during the 7th inning stretch? Maybe then they'll move to the industrial park.”

His site is full of this kind of cracking stuff so do yourself the proverbial and check it out in our links section. You must be eighteen!

Sunday 24 October 2004

More Cowbell!

Some of you may be aware of this little comedic gem, possibly because I've put it on a CD for you, but go and read about and download Christopher Walken's hilarious More Cowbell sketch.

Friday 22 October 2004

The Power of Nightmares

The BBC showed and enjoyable and articulate show the other night (Wed. @ 9pm I think) about the rise of both Islamic fundamentalism and American Neo Conservatism. Cleverly drawing parallels between the two concepts (both philosophies are rooted in the apparent collapse of the “Liberal” American or at least Western vision), the show basically suggests Radical Islam and the kind of Ultra Conservative American administration now in power rely on carefully constructed myths and the dissemination of fear to maintain their power.
America’s most powerful men such as Paul Wolfowitz, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are exposed (yet again) in the show as having been directly involved in falsifying information about The Soviet Union during the cold war (sound familiar?), suggesting falsely that every terrorist group in the world was being funded by the USSR etc, etc…
Basically, the men in charge of America right now were involved in propagating and disseminating lies in order to build a mythical America, an America whose mission it was to police a “dangerous” world, and therefore control it. They are still, quite obviously, on that same mission.
Sayyid Qutb, the man whose radical philosophies were taken up many others including Bin Laden, was executed before he could see his words mutate into the justifiable murder of any non-Muslim.
The show gets right to the root of two seemingly disparate worldviews that turn out to be basically the same in many respects. Both philosophies take it as a given that we can’t be trusted to look after ourselves. They saw Western society in the sixties and seventies as "in a state of collapse" and saw individualism as the problem. Both ideologies are determined to rein in our freedom and develop lost “shared moralities” synonymous with cultures of yesteryear. And they have both decided to do it using fear as their weapon, one feeding off the other – the Great Satan has a new enemy in the wake of the collapse of the Soviet Union. The message of the show seems to be there is nothing really to be afraid of, it’s the same old same old.
The next episodes will document how the two camps worked together to oust the USSR from Afghanistan and will go on to underline the fact that al-Qaeda doesn’t really exist. Cracking stuff, well worth a watch.

"Are You My Caucasian?"

Those of you with cable may have seen last night's TV highlight. The appearance of rapper Crazee Eyes Killa on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Larry's hilarious attempts to be down in the hood with him may even have not been the funniest thing about the show as the Martin Scorsese starring finale had me laughing for about 5 minutes.

The second series is now out on Region 2 DVD and well worth a purchase.

Thursday 21 October 2004

G8

As some of you may have seen on television last night, that idiot Paul Gascoigne has settled on his new name. This all sounds like that episode of Seinfeld where George wanted people to call him 'T-Bone.' Of course it backfired and he became known as Coco, I'm sure Gazza could end up with a similar clown-like moniker.

Of course George wasn't doing it because his name had become synonymous with wife beating, alcoholism and chronic buffoonery. Well all apart from that last one.

Tuesday 19 October 2004

The Arcade Fire

I have just today discovered The Arcade Fire. And they are great. Have a look at their mad website or have a listen to their album Funeral.

Duff Hit Single

An interesting wee thing I read in The Guardian the other day was that Robbie Williams’s latest number one single was co-written by Stephen Duffy. If you remember him at all you will remember him as Stephen Tin-Tin Duffy who had hits with Kiss Me and The Icing on the Cake in 1985. However I’m more a fan of him circa The Lilac Time and his early 90s solo stuff. The Lilac Time were a kind of folk rock group who had nearly hits with things like Return to Yesterday and American Eyes.

Although I’m no fan of Robbie Williams’s music I am pleased that Stephen Duffy is finally having some long overdue commercial success after his many years of critically acclaimed, but poor selling albums and his numerous droppings by various record labels.

Wednesday 13 October 2004

From A Basement On The Hill

You can preview next week's new Elliott Smith album by clicking on the link. There's a lot of noisy guitars on it, which should please, be you in the non-acoustic camp. I've heard most of the songs on the album in their live acoustic form, so it's interesting hearing them with a band like King's Crossing for example.

So far I dunno if I like it more than Figure 8 or X/O or Either/Or. It's gathering universally great reviews, but music and all artforms I guess, weighs heavier on people posthumously. I'm not saying that it isn't a great album, just for me it doesn't seem a great distance ahead of any of the records I've mentioned. Maybe with more listens though...

Monday 11 October 2004

Spamusement

I found this on my web travels Spamusement. It's a selection of cartoons based on actual Spam headlines. It's pretty funny.

Stranger Things Happen At Sea...

Of the turgid international football action I decided to waste my weekend watching only one wee side story struck any kind of a chord. Apparently, French debutante Antonio Rio Mavuba was actually born at sea while his parents were on their way to France to seek asylum.
Does that mean that technically he could choose to play for any country in the world? And are there enough players born at sea to put together an international side representing the sea, a Poseidon's eleven if you will? You would have to say they would be hard to beat at home, although I'd imagine a lot of matches would have to be called off due to a waterlogged pitch.

My Name is Not Gazza

An hilarious story in the news this morning Paul Gascoigne is changing his name. He's not sure to what though. Apparently 'Paul' is too closely associated with 'Gazza.' Any suggestions what he could change it to?

Wednesday 6 October 2004

Anchorman

I saw Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (4/5) last night. It was a very off the wall type of film. A bit out there even for that Zoolander type of comedy that it falls into. I think I most enjoyed the array of cameos.

Somehow though I've never bought Paul Rudd as a comedy actor. He bugged me in Friends, except for that episode when his character tried to bond with Ross. I dunno what it is about him, he just doesn't do it for me. That said I did laugh at some of his stuff in Anchorman.

He Finally Got Respect

Sad news this morning, the great American comedian Rodney Dangerfield has died after a long battle with illness. He was 82. We've blogged about him before and you'll probably know him best for his role in "Caddyshack" but it was his tremendous ability to come up with curt, self decpricating one liners (thousands of them over the years) that got me. He was old school and maybe not to everyone's tastes, but for me, he was a true professional and a funny guy. A sad loss to comedy.

Tuesday 5 October 2004

Aki

For more hilarious football website fun, here's a link to the site of Palace winger Aki Riihilahti. Read Aki's views on match day bum abuse in his last bit of news. There is more Finnish hilarity throughout.

Green Gotten

Have a gander at this:

"The media regulator, Ofcom, has censured BBC football commentator Alan Green for making an apparently racist remark during a Manchester United v Arsenal clash.
Referring to a dispute between the referee and United's Eric Djemba-Djemba, Green suggested the player was saying "me no cheat", prompting a Radio 5 Live listener to complain that it was inappropriate to suggest a black man was unable to speak grammatical English. The BBC conceded the remark was "ill-judged", but said it should be seen in the context of Green's commitment to eradicate racism in football."
Source: The Guardian

Yet another example of a bloated ignoramus being allowed to spout his unsavory predudices on the BBC.
I was personally glad to see Barry Davis retire the other week, since I consider him the master of the casual racist remark, something he inexplicably got away with for years, aided and abetted by his cumbersome side-kick Trevor Brooking.
That pair constantly derided foreign players, made numerous "tribal" references to black players, and generally helped re-enforce dumb cultural stereotypes for the duration of their partnership ("cool" Scandinavians, "temperamental" Latins etc...)
What sticks in my craw about Green, the latest to be found out, is the fact that he is obviously Irish but supports England with all the fervor of a rabid cockney skinhead and if there's one thing I hate, it's a fat English/Irish bastard....

Monday 4 October 2004

The Shield is Back

Some of you may have been as relieved as I on Saturday night, when The Shield came back to our screens after being AWOL for 3 weeks. Vic and the boys 'ripped Koreatown a new one.' Champion stuff. Those ignorant fuckers at Five didn't respond to my 3rd e-mail asking them to explain the baffling schedule. Only 3 more weeks to go though.

G Mail

As some of the more web savvy among you may know G-mail is Google's e-mail launch. It's only available via invite and between us Fizz and I have 11 invitations. If you want one leave your e-mail address in the comment box and we'll send you one.

The Movies

Over the weekend I saw some films. First up, Dead Man's Shoes (4/5) A violent revenge thriller than draws parallels with Death Wish and Get Carter among others. However it's not typical of that genre. Paddy Considine's character Richard isn't your standard typical good guy. He's menacing in a villainous kind of way. His performance is very subtle. Having written the script alongside director Shane Meadows he could have gone for the big speeches and flashy set-pieces that a lot of films in this mould go for. But he doesn't, he certainly has his moments, but his dialogue is minimal and perhaps more effective for it and the most gruesome pieces of action take place off camera.

The film provides a very unsettling feeling throughout right up until the end and it's certainly not for everybody, but it's definitely something I'll see again. Special praise must go to former boxer Gary Stretch who puts in a fine turn as Sonny. Perhaps he should have thrown the towel in on his fight career years ago.

I also saw Metallica: Some Kind of Monster (4/5) A pretty amusing documentary that's being touted as 'The Real Spinal Tap.' Some of the highlights for me were the band therapist Phil practically becoming a member of the band, Lars Ulrich's odd looking, but pretty cool father and Dave Mustaine, former Metallica guitarist sacked about 16 years earlier, bleeting in a therapy session about how he's a loser compared to the rest of them. His band Megadeth being only a moderate success compared to Metallica's massive success. Very funny, if you like watching bitter people complain about their lot in life, which I do. Despite his straw not being particularly short.

Drummer Lars Ulrich comes across as a decent guy, despite his petty lawsuit against Napster. I think the films sags a little bit toward the end and if you can avoid seeing it with bellowing Metallica fans in the audience all the better.

Friday 1 October 2004

Give Us A Break!

A great day for me yesterday as I decided my horrible cold meant I had to pull a sickie for the first time in over 3 years.
It meant that I spend the day watching Murder She Wrote (guest starring Magnum and Higgins !!!), Moonlighting, the brilliant Sports Night and watched Rangers deservedly go through to the UEFA cup group stage.
That’s really what I’m on for. I’m a bit annoyed, yet again, with the reporting of what happened in the papers.
Instead of congratulating Rangers and Alex McLeish who showed great character to turn round an appalling start to the season, they have chosen instead to try and maintain the “Big Eck’s Job in the Balance” nonsense they’ve been peddling for weeks.
Basically, Rangers have risen to the challenge and rammed a lot of the criticism they were getting down the journalists throats, so rather than say “fair play” it’s “Eck Earns Reprieve” and similar pish, because they can’t ever admit they were wrong.
Alan Davidson in the Evening Times says that McLeish is a decent man. So why pillory him when he’s been given sod all to spend and had all his best players taken away from him?
Make no mistake, this current Rangers side as poor as I’ve ever seen, but they have shown real guts and determination lately and deserve credit for it.
But you never get credit from Scottish sports journalists, you don’t even get proper reporting of the facts. You just get a bunch of charlatans trying to justify a witch hunt, so that if things ever go wrong again, they can bay for blood and say I told you so.
It’s a shame that we live in a world where little men get to decide the fate of people who have actually done something.